To my Life

To that sound in the night,
That light so bright,
To the everglowing heart,
Although not so smart,
To the abridged romances,
To the cold glances,
To the criticizing remarks,
To the everflowing sparks,
To the staged performances,
To the half eaten forbiden fruit,
To the wine undrinked,
To the broken mirror,
To the very hot summers,
To the shades never found,
To the causes unfollowed,
To the inconsistant luck,
To the love being replaced by hate,
To the life althought not so happy,
yet still great,
I dedicate these words,
I don't care anymore.

Again..my heart

Again I break my own heart by thinking this time will be different. He is just like others. He does not want responsibilities..not even dating. I knew it from the start yet decided to go through with it. Now again I am left alone. In my mind and heart I don't feel ok. I cried today just thinking what a mess I keep getting myself into. I will never be in love if I go on like this. If I keep running from the good ones into the arms of the bad. I should check my intentions, my aspirations and my hopes. It no longer matters what my heart feels because it always beats for the wrong one. Each time I should check my pulse for irregular heartbeats. Not everytime someone will rescue me. I am just so fed up. I am going to change.. a much needed one. I will seek those who seek me. I will want those who want me. I will think of them..feel for them. May be its not too late.

to be in a relationship....

Is it really a relationship? Does he really care? Its strange how I am afraid of this! because he is 5 years younger! I always knew I would be in a relationship with a younger guy! but why now! I have known him for 2 years now! so why now? May be I should just enjoy it and go with the flow.

Fed up

I am fed up with not having love in my life. I always wonder what's wrong? why is it not happening? I decided today, I will open my heart a bit. May be I am the one who was pushing love away!

"...What I want is pretty simple:

To be loved, when I feel unloveable; to be desired, when I feel undesireable; to be pursued, even if I stand perfectly still; to attempt to be understood, even if I'm confusing; to be listened to--REALLY listened to, even when I'm silent; to be treated with fragility--even when I'm stronger than most; to be a part of a grand adventure, and to be appreciated for what I offer to yours..."

To work .....

I am in a new job that I can't swollow. I mean its like a test from God to my ability to endure. Me and that work do not match. They do not like me and I do not like them. I don't know it looks like I am not staying. I am never happy at any job, and I wonder why! I think its me! I should change my outlook at the job at hand. I should stop complaining and start living. It seems I will never have the job I had at Emirates again. I am afraid I will never find ajob that I like. I am afraid I will never find my true calling. I want to be fullfilled and satisfied. I know its hard these days with everybody being de-motivated and all. But, I have to get my act together.

Me and that guy

Its strange how I feel so close to that guy although I only met him once in my life. He is such a good guy that if we were in better circumstances I would have fell in love with him. For years I dreamt about a guy like him and when it comes true, it comes in the wrong form. I mean he is much younger, but he is so wise. I don't know what teh future carries for me and him, but I think I better end the flow of my emotions now. I wonder if he ever thinks about me. I feel left out in the cold without him. Last night thinking about all this made me tense. I mean every time I think I am falling in love, its with the wrong guy. I don't mean by wrong being bad, but he's just not a good match.

Satisfaction and Gratitude

The cure to life's problems and boredom is satisfaction and gratitude. There are people in this life who are less fortunate than you. Think about it, no matter how grave your problem is, there is always somebody with a worse problem. So be thankful for what God gave you, and start enjoying your life as it is, not like you wanted it to be.